THE M:M MUSIC TEAM (LOTR): Crystal Ann Lea, Meg MacDonald, Rene Magallon
The Jason Spooner Band
"All Things Equal"
"Black Moon Rising" D39* at BDS
Selling out shows nationwide!
Hiss Golden Messenger
"I Need A Teacher"
Jocelyn & Chris Arndt
"Kill In The Cure"
I’ve been traveling a lot lately. For most people traveling is exciting and a great escape. I love it when I get to my destination but for me, the getting there is a cacophony of inconvenience.
Complaining about airports and the flights themselves has been done in this column before. I have nothing much new to add. The airport construction continues to create a labyrinth that rivals trying to get out of a Vegas casino. Even the Google Maps lady will announce “You have arrived,” when I’m sitting on La Jolla, miles from the LAX entrance staring at In-N-Out Burger.
Parents traveling with crying, complaining children bring iPads with headphones that never seem to work so we’re all exposed to what they’re watching. I know every episode of SpongeBob Square Pants by heart. They also bring sack lunches that always seem to include drippy ketchup, pungent mayonnaise and expired hard-boiled eggs that could be used for chemical warfare in a pinch.
People still wear flip flops and sandals on flights. How have bare feet not been added to the not-allowed-on-airplanes list? They are lethal to the nose, aesthetically displeasing and, in the event of an actual emergency, those people aren’t going to be able to help anyone as they slip all over all the felled egg and mayonnaise sandwiches.
But for me the worst part of traveling is getting lost. I get lost. A lot. And yes I have a navigation system in my car and in the rental cars, but their sole purpose is to taunt me.
There are 266 words in the Gettysburg Address. 173 in the Ten Commandments and around 1430 in the Bill of Rights, so you wouldn’t think it would take 8,000 in a car manual to figure out how to program a nav. system.
Is it better to be lost or better to get into an accident trying not to be lost? The maneuvering alone that it takes to reach the startup screen makes me look like a panicked astronaut.
It gets even more ridiculous if I’m trying to work the radio, or Spotify or if I get a call because the iPhone defaults to whatever car I’m driving in spite of the fact that I set none of it up.
I miss my high school Gremlin.
What do you call someone who has zero directional sense? That’s not the start of a riddle. I’m genuinely asking. There are fundraisers for a number of handicaps. What I have has not yet been acknowledged but I’d at least like a name for what ails me, aside from what my friends and family have come up with: idiotitis and moron syndrome both top the list.
The part of the mind that deciphers directions is missing in mine. Those particular synapses in my brain just don’t fire. So I’m forced to wonder why, unless you’re in the military, is it really necessary to use north, south, east and west? There is nothing wrong with up, down left and right and honestly, no one likes a show off.
I come from Iowa. When we give directions, it’s “head about 2 miles as the crow flies and go right at the fence pole with the dead fish on it.” Or “turn left where your sister hit the deer last summer.”
These are easy to understand, while at the same time, promoting a sense of community and not making the recipient feel like they need a compass. And a boy scout to work it.
Sidenote: How much do the boy scouts suck? They’ll lead you across the street safely unless you’re gay, in which case they’ll just lead you into oncoming traffic. The badge for that is two well-worn Birkenstocks sticking out from under a bus. If the deceased had been wearing covered shoes and socks, they may have had a chance.
It’s not that I don’t want to take the roads less traveled in life, it’s just that I can’t find them.
"Watching a concussion in the World Cup reminds me it's only two more months until I can watch concussions in real football."
THE BLACK KEYS
"This is an album by the Black Keys called "Let's Rock." That's what it does." –Pitchfork
"Singer-guitarist Dan Auerbach and drummer Patrick Carney bring a heightened purism too, emphasizing the power-duo force of their early records" –Rolling Stone
"The Black Keys are rock royalty and to the relief of many, they aren't quite ready to relinquish their reign." –Associated Press
"Quiet and content this album isn't. Thematically, it's the work of a talent who has never been one to sit on his laurels and wait for the next trend to come along... he still makes it all feel so special and singular, sharing the pressure to create a viable product while not compromising his own artistic vision." –No Depression
"His new album is absolutely amazing. I included it in my Indie Spotlight column for Goldmine that we're going to print. Really, really had a great effect on me." –Lee Zimmerman Goldmine
"Any conversation of the best singer-songwriters of the past 20 years is incomplete without Jenny Lewis' name...master-level storytelling...always leaves, arm-in-arm with the listener, with her head held high." –USA Today
"It's the richness of her telling, though, that makes Line bloom fuller with every listen: crystalline anthems built for barstools, open roads, and dark nights of the soul." –Entertainment Weekly
"Hollis Brown sets out to make modern rock classic with Ozone Park" –Billboard
"Hollis Brown return to form on their first full-length record in four years. Ozone Park is worth the wait." –PopMatters